Divorce

A couple’s decision to proceed with the dissolution of their marriage is a complex and painful process both legally and psychologically.

The legal process is important because it determines a number of practical issues that need to be settled between the couple, however, it is the psychological process that will determine the nature of the divorce.

In simple terms, if a divorce begins calmly then there are chances that it will be completed in a friendly and beneficial atmosphere for both the couple and the children if any.

Counseling can help both parties understand the reasons that led to this decision and manage their emotional state with respect and dignity.

The stages of divorce are quite similar to the stages of grief as one experiences the loss of the relationship.

A highest degree of self-awareness can help a couple move through these stages and disconnect their lives with calmness.

The Stages of Divorce

We could describe the stages a couple goes through when they decide to divorce as follows:

The denial stage. Denial is a psychological mechanism that all humans have, which acts as a defense and protects us from intense and painful emotions that we are not ready to feel.

In the majority of divorces, one of the two partners has started the process of separation within themselves much earlier than the moment of the decision, making them more emotionally prepared for what will follow. But the other partner is shocked and tries not to accept it as a real fact.

The stage of anger. At this stage the emotions are very intense and usually expressed in various directions in a painful way. In the event that there are children, it is very likely that they will be the recipients of the angry parent and this should certainly be avoided in any case.

The negotiation stage. At this stage partners may try to look at their relationship again, reminisce about the good times or even discuss those that led to the breakup and thus proceed to a negotiation process.

The stage of depression. This stage comes when the separation is now a reality and is the most painful emotional situation for the one experiencing it.

The stage of acceptance. At this stage the negative feelings become milder and a hope for the future begins to emerge, for the building of a new life that may include the organization of daily life, new activities, new friendships and social interactions in general.

Attitude towards children

In the event that the two partners are also parents, they need to properly manage the emotional state of their children, which differs according to their age and, consequently, their different needs. Of course, it is not easy and it is an additional difficulty that both partners will have to go through, so sometimes they need to receive the appropriate support in order to make as few mistakes as possible or to learn to correct in time an inappropriate behavior towards  their children.

It would be helpful to outline some rules or basic principles that parents should keep in mind when faced with such a situation.

Children experience feelings that correspond with those of their parents, which means that it may take time to recognize and express themselves, always depending on their age.

Children love and need both parents which is why they should not be turned against one or the other by being the recipient of their anger.

They need to know as much as they can handle but it must be the truth.

They should be encouraged to express their feelingsno matter how intense they may be.

They should not become allies or supports of the parent who feels betrayed.

They should continue their daily activities normally so that the sense family life does not dissolve.

There should be balanced contact and communication with both parents so that one does not bear the burden of managing such a sensitive issue alone.

We should give time to both ourselves and our children to accept the new situation and to never forget that when we feel good about ourselves it positively affects our children.

It is a common situation nowadays  children to be raised by divorced parents as well as the existence of modern forms of family such as blended families when new partners are involved and they share this responsibility. As a result, the negative social impact experienced by divorced couples in earlier times has been significantly diminished, which could also take the form of social stigma for their children.