Coping grief

At some point in our lives, we will all face the loss of an important and beloved person. Such a loss is accompanied by difficult and painful emotions such as initial shock (especially when the loss is sudden and unexpected), guilt, anger, sadness, emotions which, however, are an integral part of what we call the grieving process.

It is therefore important to initially recognize, understand and ultimately accept that these feelings, even if they sometimes seem extreme, are normal and the person who is suffering needs time in order to reach the final phase of acceptance and to move forward.

It is worth mentioning that losses that can lead us to a state of grief may also include except of the definitive loss of death, the break-up of a relationship or the loss of a significant job.

Grief counseling

Counseling on grief issues may be necessary for people to understand the stages of the situation they are experiencing and to help them express their feelings. It can also help to dispel myths such as, for example, that whoever does not cry does not mourn, etc.

The way people express their emotions when grieving may vary among them, which may be due to the different psychological makeup of each person as well as the various aspects of their overall personality to the way mourning is experienced by them in their intimate environment.

So there are people who grieve without having any significant discomfort and without significantly limiting their social and professional life, as long as it exists. In this case the grieving process is a period of healing the mental wound.

However, some people may lack the appropriate mental mechanisms and skills to manage their emotions, resulting in great difficulty for them to manage a loss and the grief that inevitably accompanies it.

The stages of grief

Experts have described a normal pattern that grief follows during the first year of losing a loved one.

This pattern includes certain stages which are healthy mental reactions that come to the surface as the person tries to make sense of the loss and which are not necessarily the same for all people. It is important to understand the temporal sequence of this process so that we not to misinterpret some normal reactions as pathological.

In the following we will try to describe these stages.

The first stage is the so-called numbness. The main prevailing symptoms are shock, doubt and denial of the fact. Denial works protectively and helps the person handle only as much information as they can handle. As they gradually accept the loss the denial fades away. This is particularly strong in cases of a sudden loss.

The second phase is the feeling of longing. The person who is grieving longs to see the person they lost again. They may cry or reminisce, feel guilty and angry, or even have vivid dreams or hallucinations. This phase constitutes the so-called core of mourning because it is a period of deepest pain and misery. The emotion of anger emerges and is an integral stage of the healing process. Anger can be directed at family, friends, self or even a higher power, god.

The third phase is the phase of disorganization or even despair. The person experiences feelings of loneliness, anxiety and depression. They slowly realize the magnitude of the loss. This can lead them to withdraw from some activities or do them without feeling pleasure and satisfaction. He may also not sleep well and not eat properly or have concentration and memory difficulties.

The fourth phase is the reorganization phase. The person accepts the loss and takes action by starting to put things in order in their life. The feeling of loss is there as well as the pain but it is milder. The simple popular expression “life goes on” states that there are daily stimuli and challenges that push the individual to act by moving forward without forgetting his past. Consequently, they can create friendships, set new goals without forgetting the past. They begin to form a new identity with elements of the old and the new ones that emerged from the intense experience he lived.  No doudt that any form of renegotiation with ourselves provide us knowledge and wisdom.

There are also cases when the person feels unable to cope adequately the grief or may return to a previous stage or, even worse,  to fall into a chronic grieving situation.